RANT Magazine

Wendy Kaufman, know her? She's the lady in the commercials that is supposed to make us feel and believe that the multi-million dollar Snapple beverage company is really a little hometown country store-like business. Snapple spends a huge amount of money on this image; even going to the extent of designing and paying small mom and pop stores for using their names and storefronts in billboards in New York featuring the Snapple name hammered on haphazardly as if an after thought. Snapple's not the only one to do this, and this is by no means a new avenue of psychological company image manipulation, nor does RANT have a problem with this, (not in this article anyway). snapple lady

But, check this out, in the August 4 issue of USA Today there is an interview with this woman...I loosely use the term "interview" here since it seems more like a press release disguised as an interview but I digress. The point is, it is mentioned that over 800 letters per week are for the Snapple lady! According to this "interview-mercial" the content of these letters include marriage proposals, invitations for prom dates, sleep-overs and men sending her naked photographs of themselves.

Let's think for a minute and put this in perspective. There are over 42,000 people every year that are sitting down with pen and paper (or Polaroid as the case may be) and taking time out of their limited waking hour day to write to some obnoxious character in a soft drink commercial in an attempt to arrange a real life meeting or wanting her to view them naked! You're not grasping this are you? Forty-two thousand people. You know what? If you were to lay 42,000 people end to end they would circle the earth 19 times. I totally made that up, but I hope I'm making my point. There is a group of people wandering the public streets that have collectively spent over $13,440.00 in postage alone to communicate with this woman. Each of these people had to have spent at least a half an hour screwing around with this project probably more if you consider that the first nude photograph you take you're usually standing too close to the camera and your head is cut off. That's easily over 21,000 hours invested in this project every year! Do you know how many hours 21,000 hours is? Think about this...one year = 8,760 hours. Twenty-one thousand hours is equal to the time of nearly two and a half years! Considering that the average person sleeps about 8 hours a day, that means over three and a half years of waking "life" per year is devoted to communicating to the stinkin "Snapple Lady"! This amazes me. What are these people thinking? Let me rephrase that. THIS is the demographic populace that is drinking Snapple? These are the same people that I am constantly seeing spending time with Geraldo aren't they? They drink Snapple? Does this make ME want to drink Snapple? This is more likely to make me want to RUN from Snapple, especially since they are waving this lady around like a big Snapple blimp.

I don't get it. You know what though? I'll bet this is why there is always some jerk clogging up traffic in front of me. One of these Snapplidiots is in the left lane crawling along the highway at or below the speed limit on his way to the post office! In fact, now that I think of it...I'll bet this is why there are so many Republicans in powerful positions and why soap operas are so popular. It wouldn't even surprise me if one of these people was in on the Hubble telescope project. And Icons! I'll bet these people are responsible for Icons! Suddenly a lot of things are starting to make sense.

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	“The Snapple Woman” (A "Get A Life" column)
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